You would think something so simple as communicating when you’re displeased, unhappy with something or plain irritated with your partner is easy. Truth is, it isn’t for a lot of people.
Women are known as the more naturally expressive beings (Sometimes tooooo expressive 👀🤣), where as society(for whatever stupid dipshit of a reason) has made it abnormal for men to share and express themselves, through appreciative and effective communication.
In most instances, this inability to effectively communicate in relationships, has led to unnecessary arguments, tension and eventually...break ups 🤷🏾♀️
From my own personal experience and situations I have witnessed is, during most disagreements within a relationship, one or both parties are arguing to be right, instead of LISTENING to their partner in an effort to understand their point of view, which could lead to a positive change of action/behavior, which ultimately would move toward reconciliation.
Think about it 🤔 In the heat of an argument, you’re probably vexed, and the only thing on your mind in that moment is either getting up and walking away, screaming your point at your partner and cursing them to depths of hell, or being super dismissive and condescending. Incase you didn’t know, NONE OF THOSE THINGS WORK!!!
If that form of communication doesn’t work between you and your employer/employees, why in the HELL would you think it’s conducive to having a productive and effective conversation with your mate?
No one likes to feel that they aren’t being heard, understood or demeaned by someone who claims to love them. If you feel any of what I described are behaviors you’ve either exhibited or experienced in your relationship, this is what I need you to do the next time conflict arises:
Breathe before you speak. This will help you to calm your thoughts, and adjust your tone.
Before addressing the WRONG, acknowledge what’s RIGHT. This will help soften the blow and let your significant other know that you are appreciative of something they have done as opposed to just shooting them down, off the rip.
After addressing your concerns and displeasures, allow your other half to speak. Be willing to listen with an open heart and mind. Do not interrupt! This will cause a wall to go up, and an argument will erupt.
Once your partner is done speaking, repeat back what you heard them say, starting with “What I heard you say was....is that accurate?”. This will make your partner feel like they’re being understood, and heard, instead of disregarded and ignored. Then, continue the back and forth dialoluge.
Last but certainly not least, be willing to take accountability for whatever part you played in the issue by giving a direct apology, followed by changed behavior. Make sure your partner does the same. Make an agreement that what has been forgiven there, must stay there or your efforts to reconcile would have been for naught.
See....we all know that relationships aren’t perfect and that conflict will surface. That isn’t the issue though. The issue is knowing how to navigate your way through the downs, so that you find your way back up.
Always lead with love and the intent to fix it, not the intent of being right. None of us are above reproach. You may be just as much of a contributing factor to the dysfunction as your other half. If that’s the case, you must be humble enough to accept that and do better.
Hopefully this message reaches someone and helps them to become a better communicator in their relationship, saving them the heartache and headache of dealing with a messy and unnecessary breakup.
Once you know better, you do better 😉
Change Your Habits = Change Your Life